Stop Saying These 5 Things in Negotiations (and Start Getting Better Results)
If you're in a role where you're a key link within your organization – connecting different levels, teams, or even external stakeholders – you're frequently involved in critical negotiations. Whether it's securing resources, resolving conflicts, or finalizing project details, your negotiation skills directly impact your success and the success of those you work with.
But even the most experienced professionals can fall into communication traps that derail negotiations. Certain phrases, while seemingly innocuous, can escalate tensions, damage trust, and lead to less-than-optimal outcomes. Let's explore five common phrases to avoid and, more importantly, what to say instead.
1. "That's not fair..."
Why it's harmful: While it expresses your feeling, "That's not fair" injects emotionality without providing a constructive path forward. It can sound accusatory, putting the other party on the defensive.
What to say instead: "Help me understand the rationale behind that decision." "Could you walk me through the factors that led to that proposal?" Focus on seeking information and understanding the other party's perspective.
2. "That's not my fault."
Why it's harmful: In a negotiation, defensiveness is a dead end. Shifting blame avoids taking responsibility and prevents collaborative problem-solving.
What to say instead: "Let's analyze what happened and identify solutions." "What can we do to prevent this in the future?" Emphasize solutions and shared responsibility.
3. "Take it or leave it."
Why it's harmful: This phrase is the antithesis of negotiation. It's aggressive, closes off dialogue, and often destroys relationships. Even if you "win," you may lose in the long run.
What to say instead: "What would need to be true for this to work for you?" "What are your key priorities?" Explore their needs and interests to find mutually agreeable solutions.
4. "Let's meet in the middle."
Why it's harmful: While seemingly reasonable, "meet in the middle" assumes both sides are starting from equally valid positions and may lead to a suboptimal compromise where neither party's needs are fully met. It neglects the underlying interests.
What to say instead: "Let's identify our must-haves versus our nice-to-haves." "What are the underlying interests driving your position?" Focus on understanding needs before compromising.
5. "Let's work on a win/win..."
Why it's harmful: While the intention is good, simply stating "win/win" doesn't guarantee it. It can sound cliché or insincere if not backed up by genuine effort to understand the other party's perspective.
What to say instead: (Demonstrate win/win behavior through your actions) "How can we create value for both parties?" "What are some creative solutions that address both our needs?" Focus on collaborative problem-solving and value creation.
Conclusion:
Effective negotiation is a critical skill for professionals who operate as a bridge within their organizations. By eliminating these counterproductive phrases and adopting a more collaborative, inquisitive approach, you can enhance your negotiation outcomes, strengthen relationships, and ultimately drive greater success for yourself and your organization.
